Behold: The Terror of Don Quijote!

Don Quijote is a cleaning goods, grocery, expensive watch, toy, costume, auto parts, bike, dildo, candy, clothing, novelty underwear, electronics, lamp, natural herbs, party decorations, beauty supply, cosmetics, pornography, pet supply store that sells other stuff too. It is the most bonkers store chain in the universe and I fucking love it. Get wasted, go to Don Quijote and have a fucking blast. Every time. Here's pics from my latest trip to Japan! 

Actually, these are just some barfed up noodles that I took a picture of. I thought it looked cool. Hope you do too. 

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This is not Don Quijote! But a crazy super cramped store in Akihabara. It's kind of like a tiny Don Quijote. 

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This store is not actually on Elm St.

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This is also not Don Quijote, but an epic super cluttered old-school nerdery store. I could have spent hours in here, but I probably would have bought everything and then my house would look like this. 

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This is Don Quijote! At Christmas, which is extra crazies! 

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Need a Police Santa suit? Of course! Everyone loves "Police Santa!" 

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Need a sexy girl Santa suit for slightly unshaven guys?

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One thing Don Quijote specializes in is crazy fucking decorations that are a little scary. They usually have cute penguins, but occasionally you'll run into this. Or worse. 

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 They also sell eyes. 

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Thought this was candy for kids. It's condoms.  

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I enjoy the feeling of not being stuck. Very much. 

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 I don't want to know. 

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Yes. 

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Not sure of the correct social event to wear this too. 

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Is that a cute mouse condemned to a slow sticky death of starvation or what?

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Take a shit AND learn English? I wish they had these to learn Japanese, I'd know it by now! 

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Nightmare time! 

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I bought this curry. I had too. I HAD TOO!!! And I tried it! It was black! I never had black curry before. I did not, however, get a giant fist-sized hard on from eating it. It did have a weird piece of gross meat/gristle in it. Hoping it's not part of that dude's nards. 

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I think these are "British Disguise Glasses." I don't think they work on white people. 

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I don't know. A cat?

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Not sure how this works. You put the black cloth on someone else's head while they inspect your penis? What's happening?

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Hilarious "Grave" costume! Be the death of the party! (I should write for these guys)

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Shit stained underwear!!! This happened to me in real life a couple times, and it wasn't that funny. 

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This is funny. And sexy? What do you think?

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Here's the whole section if you want to get a better look at all the options. Lots of good stuff. 

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I did not buy these. I wanted to, but in a rare moment of self-control, I didn't I deeply regret that now. 

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Pretty sure non-Black Men can wear these too. It's cool that you can see the exact outline of his penis, though. That stuff is important to me! 

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I should just move into a Don Quijote and live there forever. It's like a store created specifically for me. 

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Here's Donpen! This cute little blue penguin, featured here wearing a novelty beer mug hat, is the Don Quijote mascot. He's all over their stores. He's sometimes a massive statue on the front of their stores. He's really cute. And whoever draws and paints him all over their stores is a genius. There're so many different drawings and paintings, but it's really consistent. This is how you do a mascot!

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I bought this. Smelled good! But not like bananas or chocolate or a girl's big butt.  

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Pretty cool dildo section. My favorite is the one that has a face on the head, wings and a swan. You push the button to see how they work. Cool idea. American dildo stores should do this. 

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This one is my fave.  

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Here it is in action if you're curious. 

 

 Whose is this hand? Icky Mouse? Goo! 

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I like the buff freaky looking Santa at the top.  

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Sexy? Nightmarish? Both? 

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This store's got everything! Even a shirt that makes you look like a hairy-chested party Santa that barfed on himself! Jersey Shore Santa?

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Butt's up? Butt's happening, man? Butt's goin' on!!!

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And there's also this just hanging from the ceiling. 

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Just to be clear, it's not all dirty stuff. You can also buy regular things there like TVs. 

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Anyway, that's just some of the stuff I thought was neat in the Akihabara Don Quijote. 

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BUT I ALSO WENT TO THE ONE IN OSAKA!!!!! I'll post that later. Give you a break from wacky underwear and dildos and stuff.